A Guide to Talking to Your MAGA Uncle This Holiday
(Without taking the bait, without ruining dinner, and without pretending prices aren't eating everybody alive)
I owe y’all an apology. I’ve been a little quiet.
Not because I ran out of opinions (please), but because it’s the holidays and my brain has been doing that seasonal thing where you’re running on fumes, wrapping gifts like you’re hiding evidence, and convincing yourself you “definitely have time” to do one more errand. (You don’t.)
But I’m here, and with a quick public service announcement for anyone about to sit down at a table with that one relative who treats Christmas dinner like it’s open mic night for cable news talking points… You know exactly who I’m talking about.
They’re already warmed up. They have a take. They’ve got a volume problem. And they’re ready to turn “pass the rolls” into “let me explain what’s wrong with America” in under 30 seconds.
This post is not about “winning” an argument. It’s not about embarrassing your uncle (even though… tempting). It’s about surviving the holidays with your sanity intact while doing the one thing the outrage machine can’t stand…
Dragging the conversation back to real life.
Groceries. Rent. Gas. Insurance. Prescription meds. Wages. Junk fees. Housing. The slow daily squeeze that has everybody edgy and nobody feeling “fine.”
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Alright. Plates out. Deep breath.
House Rules (Holiday Edition)
Rule #1: Don’t take the bait.
Your uncle isn’t bringing up “the border” because he suddenly cares about policy. He’s bringing it up because he’s been trained that it’s the fastest way to get you to react. Smile. Breathe. Stay on mission.
Rule #2: Our safe word is: prices.
When the conversation drifts into whatever today’s outrage is, you pull it back to the stuff everybody pays for. If it has a barcode or a monthly bill attached, it counts.
Rule #3: Start with “you feeling this too?”
Holiday politics is not a TED Talk. It’s not a debate stage. It’s a kitchen table where everybody’s tired. Start where people actually live… “Man… everything’s expensive. You feeling that?”
Rule #4: Don’t insult the people. Insult the system.
You’re not here to call your uncle dumb. You’re here to point at the folks cashing checks while working people fight in circles.
Rule #5: Name villains your uncle already hates.
Don’t say “late-stage capitalism.” That’s how you end up eating dinner alone in your car.
Say… big corporations, monopolies, Wall Street, Big Pharma, corporate landlords, junk-fee scammers, insurance companies.
Congratulations, you just found common ground.
Rule #6: Ask questions that force a choice.
You don’t argue. You ask.
“Are you mad at the family down the road… or the company charging $9 for eggs and bragging about it to shareholders?”
Rule #7: Keep it short enough to say while passing the rolls.
One sentence. One question. One pivot. Then take a bite like you’re not mentally drafting an antitrust case in your head.
Rule #8: If it gets heated, exit with love and go help in the kitchen.
“I love you, I’m not doing this tonight. Who needs more sweet tea?”
That’s not retreat. That should be part of your strategy.
Things Your Might Hear (And What To Say Back)
Reminder: your MAGA uncle is not debating you. He’s performing. He’s doing his tight five. He’s trying to get a reaction like you’re a button he can push for free entertainment… So… don’t give him the show. Give him the pivot.
“It’s Biden’s fault.”
You: “Maybe. But whoever’s in charge, my grocery bill doesn’t care. What’s the plan that actually lowers prices?” Then: “Like… are we gonna break up the companies jacking up prices or nah?”
“The economy is great! The stock market is up.”
You: “Cool. The stock market can buy my groceries then.” Then: “If the economy’s great, why do working people feel broke?”
“Nobody wants to work anymore.”
You: “People want to work. They don’t want to work full-time and still be one flat tire away from disaster.” Then (and let it hang): “If businesses can’t find workers, why aren’t wages rising like prices did?”
“It’s immigrants.”
You: “I’m not doing scapegoats at Christmas.” (smile, sip) Then: “You know who I am mad at? Companies using immigrants as cheap labor while underpaying everybody and pocketing the difference.” Or: “Why is it always “blame the people with the least power” and never “maybe the people with the most money are running a hustle?”
“It’s welfare and handouts.”
You: “Corporate welfare is still welfare.” Then: “Tax breaks for offshoring. Subsidies. Bailouts. Government contracts. Funny how it’s only ‘welfare’ when regular people get help.”
“The media is lying.”
You: “Could be. But my receipt isn’t.” Then: “Can we at least agree prices are ridiculous and somebody’s getting rich off it?”
“The real problem is woke / trans / drag queens / whatever...”
You: “I can’t pay my rent with a culture war.” Then: “You ever notice how they push this stuff hardest when people are pissed about prices? It’s a distraction. While we fight about nonsense, corporations quietly raise the cost of living.”
The Menu (Stuff That Sounds Like Common Sense)
This is for when you’re hit with… “Okay smart guy, what would YOU do?”
Don’t panic. Don’t start quoting a white paper. Pick two or three and keep it moving.
Break up the big companies that control prices
If a handful of corporations can decide what you pay for groceries, internet, airfare, baby formula, or meds… that’s not a “free market.” That’s a hostage situation.
Line: “Competition is supposed to lower prices. So why do the same few companies own everything?”
Make the price the price
If the bill doubles at checkout because of “fees,” “service charges,” and “we felt like it,” that’s not business. That’s a scam.
Line: “If you can’t tell me the price up front, you’re not selling something. You’re hustling.”
Stop letting corporations buy up housing
Homes shouldn’t be Wall Street’s side hustle. When corporate landlords swallow neighborhoods, rent goes up and repairs go down.
Line: “I don’t want a housing market. I want a place to live.”
Raise pay and protect overtime
If prices can climb overnight, pay can move too. And if your boss needs you after hours, that’s overtime, not “team culture.”
Line: “If work is ‘essential,’ the paycheck should be too.”
Lower drug prices
We’re the richest country on earth and we’ve got people splitting pills and skipping doses. That’s not freedom. That’s a business model.
Line: “Your medicine shouldn’t cost more than your car payment.”
Stop rewarding companies for shipping jobs overseas
If a company outsources jobs and then comes back asking for tax breaks and subsidies, the answer should be: absolutely not.
Line: “You don’t get a bonus for gutting my town.”
Tax cheating, not work
I’m not interested in “punishing success.” I’m interested in stopping rich people from playing by a different rulebook.
Line: “I don’t want the rich to pay ‘more.’ I want them to pay what they owe.”
Exit Lines (Sharper, Pettier, Still Polite Enough for Christmas)
When dinner turns into a live episode of Facebook Comments: The Musical, you don’t need a better argument. You need an exit.
“I love you, but I’m not auditioning for cable news tonight.”
“I don’t argue politics on holidays. I do pie.”
“I’m off the clock. This is family time.”
“I’m not fighting with family for free.”
“Okay! Anyway… who wants gravy?”
“Noted. I’m gonna go be in the kitchen where peace lives.”
“Cool. Now explain why eggs cost what they cost.”
“Okay but how does that lower my insurance premium?”
“We’re not doing culture war in my Christmas outfit.”
“Bathroom.” (classic)
“Dog needs me.” (also classic)
And the closer that ends it without sounding like you rage-quit…
“I love you. I’m not mad. I’m just not available for this.”
Stand up. Walk away. Pet the dog. Become one with the snack table.
What This is Really All About
Most of us aren’t actually fighting about values. We’re fighting because we’re stressed. We’re tired. We’re getting squeezed. And everybody’s been handed a different scapegoat.
That’s the game in America right now. Keep working people mad at each other so we don’t look up and notice the obvious that this country is too expensive on purpose.
Housing didn’t just “get weird.” Corporate money moved in and started treating neighborhoods like a spreadsheet.
Healthcare didn’t just “get complicated.” It got designed around billing codes and denial letters.
Groceries didn’t just “go up.” A handful of companies realized they could raise prices, blame “inflation,” and we’d all fight about flags while they cashed the checks.
And that’s why the culture-war stuff is always on deck. It’s the magician’s hand wave.
“Look over here!” while somebody picks your pocket.
So no, you don’t have to win a debate at the table. You don’t have to dunk on your uncle. You don’t have to become a walking policy memo.
Just keep doing the one thing the system hates…
Bring it back to money.
Bring it back to power.
Bring it back to who’s getting rich off the rest of us.
Because if regular people ever stop fighting sideways and start asking the same question together, it’s over for the grifters.
Why do we work so hard… and still feel broke? That’s the question. That’s the thread you pull.
Now pass the pie. 🎄
— Happy Holidays!
Chase
P.S. Big thanks to the North Carolina Democratic Party for the graphics and the inspiration for this piece. And seriously—if you aren’t paying attention to what Anderson and the crew are building in North Carolina, go fix that. They’re ones to watch.